Posted by: Cobrafire | December 12, 2008

Cobrafire’s Open Letter To Dragonball Fans Worldwide

Dear Dragonball fans in Japan and the rest of the world,

On behalf of Dragonball fans in the United States, I would like to say one thing.

We are so, so sorry….

Trust us, we are as disgusted as you are that this piece of shit has managed to see the light of day. How awful is this movie gonna be,you ask?  Let me count the ways:

1) Out of character Goku for TEH LOSE.  Goku doubting whether or not he’s up for saving the world? That like an anorexic Lina Inverse.

2)Which brings us to the script. Cause whoever wrote this movie obviously  never watched an episode of Dragonball, otherwise my intelligence wouldn’t have been insulted.

3)Deciding what’s worse, the makeup for Piccolo, or Goku’s “giant ape form”. Goddammit.

4)The fact that Ayumi Hamasaki will be forever linked to this movie, thus dashing her chances of mainstream success here in the states.

You would think Hollywood would have learned their lesson with Speed Racer. Or Godzilla. Or Guyver. Or Fist Of The North Star…come to think of it, no, no they haven’t.

So Dragonball fans all over the world, when you go and watch this movie in the Spring of ’09, please do not hate us for allowing a timeless and beloved series to be desecrated and passing it off as a movie, but look on the Bright Side: At least it wasn’t directed by Uwe Boll.

Yours Truly,

Cobrafire

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